For the last few years I have gone to “real” work once a week to keep myself in the “real” world. As a busy mum to my two crazy boys I thought that having a day away from the house where my mind wasn’t consumed by appointments, phone calls, treatments and demands was a good idea. And in the beginning it was a good idea but I’ve struggled for the past few months and so this week I worked my last shift as “Amy the pharmacy assistant” and said goodbye to the world of “real” work.
When Zac was first diagnosed I was working two days a week in the chemist but the appointments quickly piled up and took up most of my week days plus we spent so much time at hospital during periods of illness that I had to reduce my working hours down to one day. This one day was an escape – a day to be me, a day I could use my brain to focus on something other than boys and a day I could contribute to the household finances. I was lucky enough to work with a group of lovely ladies who supported me constantly; they gave me company & chat and allowed me a break from the everyday. They let me hear that life goes on outside of my different and I enjoyed the time away and felt a sense of doing something other than being mum.
However, as the time has gone on it has become more difficult to do my one day of “real” work; the organisation that goes into leaving the house for one day is like planning an expedition, the appointment lists get longer and longer, the phone calls & messages are never ending and in actual fact my one day away from the house was stressing me out more than ever! Instead of giving me a break my mind was going into overdrive thinking about the things I’d need to do when I got home, instead of feeling a sense of achievement I felt a sense of panic at what I had missed and still needed to catch up on. I was coming home exhausted and it got to the point where I felt it wasn’t beneficial to anyone for me to be at “real” work.
So I’ve made the decision to leave the world of “real” work and focus fully on my boys. It feels like a huge relief. Am I worried about losing my sense of identity? Am I worried that people will judge me for being full time mum? Am I worried that I might be driven insane at home? Am I worried that my brain will only be concentrating on all things boys? Yes I suppose I am worried about all of those things but right now I feel it’s what’s needed for our family and I have a few ideas which I’m looking to start up in the new year but for now I’m taking some time out to just live our “different kind of normal”.
*thank you to the loveliest ladies at work who helped me through every Wednesday & constantly supported me & my boys. Your chat & company made it all easier 😊
*thank you also to my amazing husband who continually works hard in the “real” world so that I can be at home with our boys – you really have made my dreams come true 💙.